#BRUMBLOGMAS Day 15: Reflections

A full fat fay illustration I did a couple of years ago x

I’m reflecting on the fact that I don’t always have the energy to keep up with Brum Blogmas. It’s two days after this should have gone up, and I think that’s okay. My health, and the resulting ability to do everything I want to, goes up and down. A year or so ago I would have properly beaten myself up about this. I loathed the fact I couldn’t do everything I wanted all of the time because I wasn’t healthy enough. Now, I’m far kinder. I know that some time out often does me good, and I can regain my physical and mental health so that I get to do more of what I want in the future. I think when I was stuck in bed for long periods of time; I had way too much thinking time. I led a very insular life, and my thoughts were often negative against myself, which is never a good thing.

I’m able to do far more than I was a year ago, I am proud of how far I’ve come; it’s still annoying when I have bad days, but that’s just life. Sometimes it will take me a little longer to get back on track, and sometimes it won’t. Self hate and criticism has never gotten me anywhere, apart from a very sad place. I’ve also learned that a lot of people will never understand what it’s like to deal with invisible illnesses and conditions; some are still kind, some, not so much. This is fine too; they’re dealing with their own shit, and are entitled to their opinion, however ill-informed it is. The whole health shebang is still a struggle, but now I know to surround myself with those who understand, and who can lift my mood no matter how much I resemble an extra from The Walking Dead.

Be kinder to yourself; you’re doing great.

Peace, love, and big virtual hugs, Fay x

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