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I’m Fay; a writer + illustrator from Birmingham, who currently resides in Bristol. I’m also a mom (that’s how we say it in Brum) of a 28-weeker, called Rex. We spent 10 weeks in NICU, and I’ve plenty to share about being a preemie mama. I write other people’s content for a living, so I felt like giving myself an outlet where I could discuss my own shiz.

I’m a pescatarian, cruelty-free skincare addict, with Type 1 diabetes and Graves’ disease. These do not limit what I can enjoy; they only affect the thought process beforehand.

Stick around if you fancy reading about my experience with motherhood, food + coffee, mental + physical health challenges, and what’s happening in my life. I also film YouTube videos and take plenty of pictures. I’ll try not to waffle on at you (I realise I have failed already. Mmm waffles).

I love a bunny emoji, peace x

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#tbt to this little one’s hearing test, a couple of days after bringing him home, and one of many post-NICU tests. So far, we’ve been extremely lucky with Rex’s progress. The list of potential issues was, and is, endless and terrifying. So far though, he’s reaching his milestones from his adjusted age (13 weeks today), and, there’s been nothing severe, in terms of his long term health, to worry about at the moment. Although, this doesn’t stop me worrying. - The dust seems to be settling a little, and predictably for me, my anxiety is creeping back-in. Some days, just a little, some days, with full force. I was told the our NICU experiences would impact us further down the line, and I think it’s starting to. I’m having recurring thoughts about some of the things that happened to us, and am finding it quite difficult to leave Rex for very long. It’s that thing where I know what’s happening, and can almost view everything from the outside-in. However, I just can’t stop it happening. I know I have an incredibly strong baby boy, but also can’t sleep very well, as I worry about his heart and his breathing. I know this is due to having to help revive my little boy on many occasions in NICU. I think those moments will haunt me for the rest of my life. - Apologies for the emotional dump; I’m just feeling like things are hitting me now. I’ve got my support system in place, and am taking ALL the help I can. I just thought I’d share, to be honest about life after NICU. Sadly, it doesn’t just become a distant memory, it’s a traumatic experience that I want to separate from life with Rex now, but simply can’t. - I hope those going through something similar, have the resources and people in their lives they need to get help moving forward. I’m always here for a chat; I don’t have all the answers, but sometimes it just helps to offload ♥️ x (Swipe across to see a picture of Rex, yesterday. Just to balance-out the doom a bit ☺️)

We’re currently in the middle of Rex’s 3rd “leap” (if you know, you know 😂). This basically means he’s developing significantly, and there’s lots of change. He’s actually been sleeping a lot more (praise. effing. be), he is also reeeeally clingy - but so am I, so we just cuddle and hang out ☺️. He’s taking so much in, hence the new toy; I’ve become obsessed with sensory toys 😂. He’s also chatting loads, I mean, we don’t quite understand what he’s saying, but, I’m sure it’s very profound ☺️. We are struggling with tummy time - he either falls asleep or screams (any tips??). Anyway, Rex is currently hitting all his milestones (from his adjusted/due date age), and he just makes me explode with happiness and pride, even when he’s being a screaming little savage 🥰. Now, who has some more recommendations for sensory toys? 💕

Which way do your little ones like being carried? Facing you, or facing out? - Either way, Rex falls asleep if we’re walking 😴☺️. Obviously, I want him to keep growing; but, the thought of him being too big to carry around, also breaks my heart a bit. I literally never want to put him down (unless he’s screaming, or has 💩, obvs 😂) x

This is pretty much the vibe for our first family getaway together ☺️😴 we’re enjoying doing not a lot together, for the first time ever, since Rex was born. We’ve stocked-up on food and drinks, the weather is crap, but the fire is on, and I’m feeling just as content as Cosy in this pic. I think I’m going to vlog some bits, so Rex will have his first week in another country on film (we’re in Wales 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿😂). - I hope everyone has had a nice start to October x #22weeksactual #10weeksadjusted

Okay, I’m finally embracing my favourite season ☺️🍂🦔🍁🐿 (I don’t know why woodland animals are autumnal, they just are). It helps that we are off on our first family break on Monday 🥰 We’ll be staying in the UK to do lots of hibernating in pubs, cosying-up with Rex and Cosy, by a fireplace, and making the most of cooked breakfasts in our cottage. I am so excited to get afternoon tipsy and wear my new knitwear 😂🙈Woooo 💃🏻 parenting ☺️♥️ - I’m hoping my mom will pick these crab apples in her garden and make her delicious crab apple jelly for when we return...hey mom 👋🏻😬🍎😋 Here’s to crisp mornings and layering-up x

As it’s coming to the end of neonatal intensive care awareness month, I thought it was the perfect time to do a #tbt - this was the first time I got to hold Rex, he was 5 days old. Born at 28 weeks + 4, and 2lb 7oz, he was very tiny. Up until this point, all I’d felt was fear, confusion, and dread. But, the NICU team at St Michaels, in Bristol, made this such a special moment. There were so many wires, tubes, machines, and nurses. However, those there, made sure that non of that mattered - all that I could feel and focus-on, was my baby boy. Holding his body and feeling him on my skin gave me a magical moment I will never forget. - It obviously wasn’t how I imagined holding my baby for the first time. But that’s where NICU can give you some of the most hopeful and precious moments, within such a difficult environment and during the worst of times. There’s nowhere like it, it’s so hard to explain eloquently. Although what we went through was so tough, I will cherish so much of the time we spent in NICU. - To cut a very emotional and long-winded story short; it’s because of NICU, that Rex was given the best chance of surviving. And he is now a chubby, smiling, babbling, funny, cuddly, and thriving baby boy ♥️ #nicuawarenessmonth

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