Well, it was a weekend of two halves. It very much reiterated what a rollercoaster NICU is. All I know is that I’m so proud of Rex, and my heart feels like it’s going to burst, every time I think about him, which is pretty much all the time ♥️ Without going into detail, he progressed super well on Saturday. Then Sunday arrived and we took some steps backwards. We had to go through something pretty terrifying at one point, and I’ve never cried so hard in my life. Just to confirm, Rex is absolutely fine and doing well again, so there’s no need for worry. But, as his mom, it’s all I seem to do. I think I’m currently in total disbelief that this is all happening. Sometimes I feel so positive and strong; I really embrace the long process. But yesterday was horrible, and everything feels frightening and I’m just tired, along with an array of emotions 😞
It’s a fresh week, Rex is 3 weeks old today, and we keep getting closer to coming home together. These are things I’m clinging to, today. I hope you’re having the best Monday you can manage x
I really benefited from the couple of extra hours I had to myself yesterday. I think I’ll do that at least once a week so that the weight of everything that’s happening, can lift a little 🌸
NICU is a bubble, it’s my whole life for now. And, while the routine is usually beneficial, it’s also pretty exhausting, physically and emotionally 💤
But, it literally took a bath, some messaging with friends, and a little fresh air (spotted these lovely roses), to get my breath back ♥️ I headed into see my boy with a little bit of energy. Story time, cares, feeding, and, skin-to-skin, were all a little bit better. I asked the nurses more questions, and managed to enjoy the latter half of the day, after a shocker of a morning ☺️ I guess I just need to ensure that I’m still holding on to bits of life outside of NICU. So, when I’m in there, I feel a bit more balanced ⚖️ Happy Friday everyone, Rex and I are looking forward to more time with his dad over the weekend. Along with my mom, and Rex’s first meeting with his nanny and poppa 💕x
Here’s a #tbt to just after Rex was born, and one from the other day. He’s still very little, but he has grown so much in just over his two weeks here on planet 🌍
I’m heading in a little later today. Expressing is lowering my blood glucose a lot, which is great mostly (more carbs for me - woo!); however I did have a pretty severe hypo last night 🚑
So I’m having a bath, some extra Zs 💤, trying to message people, and heading into NICU early afternoon instead. It’s a tough one, but I’m trying to listen to everyone saying to look after myself so that I’m able to look after him 😊 I hear you and (sometimes 😉) listen! I promise ♥️ On with the rollercoaster 🎢......x
It’s Kangaroo Care Awareness Day. A day to help promote the benefits of skin-to-skin cuddles with your baby 👶🦘♥️ It’s by far, my absolute favourite time of each day; whether I get an hour, or 3, time cuddling my boy, is what keeps me going. I love feeling his tiny hands and feet, his breathing and heartbeat, and looking at his face with the mirror the nurses provide. Even with all the tubes and wires, it’s pure heaven (hey oxytocin) I’m fully addicted 🤗
The benefits for Rex are also important. Skin to skin helps us bond, he’ll become more comfortable with early life outside the womb, and it’s a regular, reassuring experience for us both 🤱🏻 A long soothing cuddle can also help Rex’s brain to develop. Touch is an important sense to master, so he gets to do that a little more each time. It will also help us transition to breastfeeding; he’ll get used to the setting (me), so when he’s ready, there’ll be less new things to get the hang of 🍼🍼 Even writing all of this is making me want to rush to him. Kangaroo care is great for all babies and parents. In NICU, it’s just a little more crucial for development and bonding; only because we obviously have a limit on how much we can do 🧸
Right, I’m off to get my Rex fix ☺️ happy hump day; go hug someone lovely x
Peepo 👀 the hours I spend staring at Rex, watching his little movements, learning how he communicates, are some of the most rewarding ♥️ I’ve hit a bit of a wall this past week, with my mental health. I’m really struggling. I’m managing to stick to our routine; I love seeing him, reading to him, doing all his cares and feeding, and of course - all our skin-to-skin. However, leaving him there each evening is becoming more difficult🌛
All the NICU team are incredible, I just can’t help worrying about his care and comfort when I’m not there. I understand he is safe and looked-after. I guess I just want him to be near me. I know that he appreciates consistency, so I struggle with changes, and NICU is all about adapting and change (quite rightly). It’s difficult to explain, but I do end up sobbing in the lift each time I leave. I get home and usually have to express my milk, and, when I’m not at his side, I’ve started to feel angry about it. Im also struggling with feelings of guilt 😞
Sometimes his little breathing mask looks so uncomfortable on his tiny face, or his tubing and wires look like they’re irritating him. If he looks in distress or has a little cry, it kills me. I can’t scoop him up to soothe him, and it’s overwhelming and so frustrating. I’m starting to feel a little powerless, and, as a natural planner/organiser (sometimes control “enthusiast”), it’s beginning to take its toll ☁️ I’m well supported- there is always someone to talk to in NICU, my health visitor has given me plenty of contacts who specialise in helping preemie parents, and I couldn’t ask for better friends and family. It’s just tough ♥️ It’s the hardest thing my husband and I have ever been through. Rex is perfect, and we love him so much, we’ll do anything; but, we just want him home. And, sometimes it feels like so far away 💔
I’m doing all the proactive things I can, self care is still a thing (I eat well, rest and sleep), and I talk/cry when I need to. It is just really hard. And I think it’ll be up and down until we get to bring him home 🏡💕👶 Anyway, here he is; peeping out from his cosy incubator. I think he’s saying; Mom, we’ve got this 💪 x
