I’m kind of a big deal here in my human’s apartment, so we came to the conclusion that you’d much rather read about a day in the life of moi, rather than Fay. So, here I am. My name’s Cosy, I’m half Staffie, half Frenchie, and 100% brill. Or so I’ve been told.
First thing in the morning; I’m usually waiting excitedly in my crate to be taken out for my first call of nature. But recently, the decorators (grrrr) have been in the apartment, so I’ve had the luxury of a spot on the human’s bed. When I say spot; I mean that I stretch out across the bed so that there is little room for anyone or anything else. I like to make sure that I’m directly in the middle of everyone so that they are separated and I have all the attention. If I don’t get attention; I seek it. Constantly, until I get the fuss I require. The bed is great for jumping on, chewing on, and a variety of things that I’m not allowed to do, but choose to enjoy anyway.
It’s dark on my first trip out in the morning. I’m meant to be getting a bit of fresh air and exercise, and going to the toilet. However, sometimes I like to mix things up and I grab stuff from the floor to chew, and if my human can’t wrestle it out of my mouth; I swallow it too. This can distress and upset my humans, although why anyone would turn down a free chicken wing bone or bits of kebab in paper astounds me. Although, twigs and sticks can be painful at the other end. I did make one of my humans cry once because I ate what she called a used condom when she was sobbing on the phone. I don’t think I’ll eat one of those again, but, if you don’t try something; you’ll never know if you like it. Therefore, I try EVERYTHING.
ordeal process of my morning walk is out of the way; it’s time to eat my breakfast. I have to use a special serving dish that makes it challenging for me to eat quickly. Otherwise I inhale food and it can make me sick. It’s a Staffie thing. I then like to have a wonder about; if the bathroom door isn’t shut tightly, I use my big head to bosh it open. I like to stand and stare at whoever is in there for a while, then I trot off. I hear the words awkward and creepy a lot, but as I have no concept of what these mean; they make zero difference to my behaviour. Ignorance is bliss.
Now it’s time to find somewhere to have a nap. I like to curl up into a croissant shape; this always seems to encourage my humans to give me affection. However, this isn’t when I actually want attention; this is when I want to be left alone to sleep. They get it so wrong sometimes.
Up until lunch time; I partake in a variety of activities. Sometimes my human will wrestle with me and help me play with my toys. However, if they’re sat at the desk typing; I entertain myself for a couple of hours. Aside from sleeping; I like to get every single toy out of my basket and place them all around the apartment for my humans to find with their feet. On high alert days, which are very random; I bark at anything and everything that I hear outside of the front door. I think I’m protecting my home, but I’m also very excited to see what’s outside; it’s a confusing time for everyone. Sometimes I’ve barked at absolutely nothing for a long period of time. I upset my human again because she was on the phone talking about ghosts and being haunted? I was simply utilising my free time. If I’m having a needy day; I stare at my human, jump up on her lap, and generally make it very difficult for her to focus on anything other than me. Because I’m great.
I love lunch times. I get a longer walk, and often; my humans will play fetch with me in the underground car park. They have to use two balls, because I can’t bear the thought of dropping one without knowing there’s another one ready to go. One of my favourite tricks is to grab both balls and run off. I wag my tail a lot when I do this as I’m so proud of myself. I let my human walk all the way over to me to retrieve a ball to throw again, then, just when they reach me; I run away. It’s so much fun, and never ever ever gets old. I’m skilled at going to the toilet while still holding both balls, I bet that it’s a real sight to behold.
After car park, or park-based fun; I go back up to the apartment pretty tired. I’ll grab a drink on the way in, the human will wipe my paws clean and take my collar off, then I’ll settle into a soft corner somewhere to snooze.
The rest of the afternoon is spent in much the same way as before lunch; I play, chew, bark, get my ball stuck behind the radiator and cry until my human comes to help, attention seek a little more, eat a Dentastix, growl, sniff, snooze…I get an extra walk if the weather is nice, and if I need some serious energy burning off, which is most days.
Then my favourite human returns home. He’s the best. It’s like the other human doesn’t exist for an hour or so and I forget all the quality time she gave me throughout the day. We play for ages, although he gets annoyed at my skill of running off with my toys every time he tries to get near me. Humans don’t understand dog games, and they can lose patience pretty quickly. My humans will eat their dinner; this is my chance to get as close to their plates as possible, wherever they’re eating. My aim is always to get food, but I have been known to just chance it with a lick, lots of breathing, and even a sneeze. This irritates humans a lot, but as long as I’m entertained; it’s all good. On a rare occasion, I’ve been given a chip or two, which is obviously why I can never leave the humans in peace when they’re eating. It’s all their fault.
I eat my dinner; it’s the same as what I have for breakfast. Nothing special. Chips are way more appealing, but then so are old bits of kebab off the ground. I trot out for my evening walk around St Paul’s Square, sniff other dogs, go to the toilet, pull on the lead really hard. I enjoy walking my humans around; it’s good for them to get some exercise. During the summer evenings we go to Warley Woods in Bearwood where I can run around sans lead. Winter can be rubbish because it’s cold and the humans won’t let me off the lead in the dark, but that’s what weekends are for.
Evenings are for full on fuss, belly rubs, cuddles, and I watch T.V with the humans. I like to growl at dogs on the television from the safety of the sofa. I sometimes do a spot of cleaning in the kitchen; cleaning up and eating crumbs off the floor is an excellent way to spend ten minutes or so. I have one last trip outside; it’s only for a call of nature again, so I like to prolong it, and I become very pedantic about where to alleviate myself. I always mix it up with doing cute stuff too; this allows me to get away with way more stuff than I should.
Then, it’s time for bed. If I have to sleep in my crate, I make sure that I run around and avoid going in for as long as possible. I give the humans a big sigh and make sure that my eyes look sad. It’s all good once I’m in; my human even uses a hot water bottle on my bed to warm it up on cold nights (she doesn’t leave it in there because I would chew it and eat it, destroying stuff with my teeth is another skill I possess). If I’m lucky enough to
take over sleep on the bed; I make sure that I am the most comfortable out of everyone, then I drift off. I’ve been told I snore, and when I dream I bark at things. Obviously, I don’t care because I’m fast asleep, having a lovely time. All my sleep is why I’m so beautiful I guess. Before long, it’s time to wake the humans up because I want to start my day and do it all again. Repetition is my favourite.
Peace, love, and two balls, Cosy x